CSB/SJU Drama Club | Scripts



Chasing Noro By Jerry McMurray, SJU '07 Have you ever heard of a 'bug-chaser'? It's quite disturbing actually; it's a name for a person who, through personal life-style choices, attempts to become HIV positive. Abhorrent, really. And yet, though I hate to admit it, I have to claim some kinship to these people. Because I actively pursued the norovirus. Terrible, but true. I had three friends fall victim to the epidemic; I spent as much time with them as I possibly could. You know, doing friend things that allowed me to have close contact with them: 'hanging out', watching movies, giving them high-fives, sharing drinks and silverware, even using their toothbrushes, although they don't know about that…didn't know about that; hi Ben! And I don't get it, I covered all of the bases! Well, not all of the bases, my friends don't swing that way, but I got as damn close as I could! It wasn't through lack of trying either; I had plenty of other strategies too! Like the hand sanitizers that they put out all over the place! I put those to good use! I touched the plungers on them every time I got food. And then I used my fingers to eat every single meal, even the ones that don't really fit into the 'finger-food' genre, like lasagna and soup! In fact, I put my hands in my mouth so often that week that my fingers were constantly pruney! And nothing! Nada! RIEN! Healthy as an ox! And not a 'mad cow' ox either, but one of the ones running about on the prairies and…I'm diverging from my pint. I tried so hard to get Noro, and I got nothing. And I'm sure that you're probably asking yourself right now, "Why the hell would he want Noro?!" And you know, I just get so sick of the same old conversations. You know the ones, the, " 'Hi, how are you doing?' 'I'm good, how are you?' 'I'm doin' good, how about you?' 'Oh, you asked me how I'm doing twice for lack of a real conversation!' Hahahahaha!' ". HAH-ARGH! Verbal Diarrhea, that's all it is. The same, old shit, every single time, the same, frumpy little exchanges! I want new shit, I want new diarrhea! I want… Two DAYS of respite! My very own porcelain and tile fortress of solitude. The soothing gurgle of flushing toilets. The soft abrasion of toilet paper. The mindless, selfish hours, ALONE, with thoughts only of myself, free of external distractions. The freedom to explore my own, internal distractions! But no. Instead, I got to go to class. I got to go to work. Instead, I got to have conversations. So thank you to every single one of you out there who 'got the bug', who 'completed the chase'! Thank you OH so much for staying at home, and washing your hand, and being OH so very non-contagious! And I want you to go home tonight, look in the mirror, and ask yourself this one, small, painful question: "Hey, how's it goin'?" To return to the scripts page, click here.
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Chasing Noro

By Jerry McMurray, SJU '07

Have you ever heard of a 'bug-chaser'? It's quite disturbing actually; it's a name for a person who, through personal life-style choices, attempts to become HIV positive.

Abhorrent, really.

And yet, though I hate to admit it, I have to claim some kinship to these people.

Because I actively pursued the norovirus.

Terrible, but true.

I had three friends fall victim to the epidemic; I spent as much time with them as I possibly could. You know, doing friend things that allowed me to have close contact with them: 'hanging out', watching movies, giving them high-fives, sharing drinks and silverware, even using their toothbrushes, although they don't know about that…didn't know about that; hi Ben!

And I don't get it, I covered all of the bases! Well, not all of the bases, my friends don't swing that way, but I got as damn close as I could!

It wasn't through lack of trying either; I had plenty of other strategies too!

Like the hand sanitizers that they put out all over the place! I put those to good use! I touched the plungers on them every time I got food. And then I used my fingers to eat every single meal, even the ones that don't really fit into the 'finger-food' genre, like lasagna and soup!

In fact, I put my hands in my mouth so often that week that my fingers were constantly pruney!

And nothing!

Nada!

RIEN!

Healthy as an ox! And not a 'mad cow' ox either, but one of the ones running about on the prairies and…I'm diverging from my pint.

I tried so hard to get Noro, and I got nothing. And I'm sure that you're probably asking yourself right now, "Why the hell would he want Noro?!"

And you know, I just get so sick of the same old conversations. You know the ones, the, " 'Hi, how are you doing?' 'I'm good, how are you?' 'I'm doin' good, how about you?' 'Oh, you asked me how I'm doing twice for lack of a real conversation!' Hahahahaha!' ".

HAH-ARGH!

Verbal Diarrhea, that's all it is. The same, old shit, every single time, the same, frumpy little exchanges!

I want new shit, I want new diarrhea! I want…

Two DAYS of respite! My very own porcelain and tile fortress of solitude. The soothing gurgle of flushing toilets. The soft abrasion of toilet paper. The mindless, selfish hours, ALONE, with thoughts only of myself, free of external distractions. The freedom to explore my own, internal distractions!

But no. Instead, I got to go to class. I got to go to work.

Instead, I got to have conversations.

So thank you to every single one of you out there who 'got the bug', who 'completed the chase'! Thank you OH so much for staying at home, and washing your hand, and being OH so very non-contagious!

And I want you to go home tonight, look in the mirror, and ask yourself this one, small, painful question: "Hey, how's it goin'?"

To return to the scripts page, click here.

Home – Join – Events – Constitution – Photos – Scripts – Officers – Contact

Site Map – Official Disclaimer